Are You Truly Happy or Just Comfortable? Here’s How to Tell.

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Happiness can sometimes be perceived as an enigma - a person may feel content in one moment and uncertain about their happiness in the next. Have you found yourself asking yourself whether you are happy or just satisfied? You are not alone.

Happiness is not just the satisfaction that one derives from a particular activity at a given time, but it is the satisfaction that comes from living a meaningful life. But how do you know if you’re actually happy? Let’s break it down together.

1. You Feel a Sense of Purpose

Real happiness is not the pursuit of pleasure, but the feeling that one has a reason to live. Do you get up motivated (or at least without negative feelings) for the following day? Do you think that what you are doing is in line with what you believe in?

According to psychologists, eudaimonic happiness is the type of happiness that comes from meaning and purpose as opposed to hedonic happiness which is based on pleasure (Ryan & Deci, 2001). That is why people who volunteer, develop good relationships, or work on their personal development tend to have higher life satisfaction.

Ask Yourself:

• Do I feel like my daily life has purpose?

• Am I satisfied with what I do even when it is challenging?

• Would I continue with this even if I didn’t have financial concerns?

If you can’t find your purpose in life and you don't know where to start, then begin with little ideas. Write down what you enjoy doing and what makes you happy and check out this self-reflection journal that can help you identify what is important to you.

2. Your Relationships Feel Fulfilling

Happiness is closely related to the relationships that one has with others, including family, friends, romantic relationships, and the community. The Study of Adult Development at Harvard has, in its 85 years of research, established that the strength of relationships is the most important factor in happiness in life (Waldinger & Schulz, 2023).

You are in healthy relationships if:

• You feel understood and supported.

• You can be yourself with nobody judging you.

• You have a good balance of giving and receiving.

If your relationships are exhausting or one-sided then it may be time to look at things again. You might want to establish some boundaries or have a conversation with the other person about your needs. This book on boundary-setting is a good place to start if you struggle with people-pleasing.

3. You’re at Peace With Yourself

Inner peace is one of the best ways to tell whether or not someone is happy. This doesn't mean that one does not have bad days or thoughts, but rather one does not fight with himself or herself on a continuous basis.

Ask Yourself:

• Do I take myself as I am, with my imperfections?

• Can I enjoy my own company?

• Am I a strong person and can I bounce back from a disadvantage rather than being harsh on myself?

If you find it difficult to accept yourself then you should try activities like meditation or deep breathing. Gratitude journaling for as short as a day can change your brain to look for the good things in life, according to Emmons & McCullough (2003).

4. You’re Excited About the Future

Even though you may not currently feel happy with where you are in life, you should hopefully be eager and excited for the future and what it can provide for you. If you feel like you are stuck, uninterested, or even afraid of changing direction, then you might be playing it safe rather than really living.

Ways to Get Excited About Life Again:

• Try something new, like a hobby or class.

• Set a personal goal (even a small one).

• Spend time with people who motivate you.

If you have no idea what you want to do next then a vision board or planner can help. This goal setting planner is perfect for defining goals and providing a way of achieving them.

5. You Spend More Time Enjoying Than Escaping

If you are happy with your life you will not often want to get away from it. We all enjoy a good Netflix show but if you use things like social media, alcohol, shopping, and the like to numb yourself then you may be running away from something else.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Escapes:

✔ Healthy: Reading, hobbies, socializing, mindful relaxation.

❌ Unhealthy: Overconsumption, escaping, and disregarding responsibilities for long periods of time.

If you find it difficult to concentrate because of constant distraction, it may be time to try a digital detox. Giving up social media made me feel so much more real and satisfied with myself. If you need help with screen time management, then this article on the benefits of a social media detox may be helpful and motivating.

Final Thoughts

Happiness is not an endpoint, but rather an ongoing process of checking in on oneself, making changes as needed, and ensuring that life reflects your core values. If something feels wrong then try to change it no matter how small the issue is. You should live a life that is meaningful and not just existable.

If you’re not sure where to start, pick one small action today—maybe journaling, reaching out to a friend or family member, or setting a new goal. And if you need some tools to help along the way, check out the recommendations above!

Tell me – what is the one thing that makes you really happy in the present moment? Leave your thoughts in the comment section below.